up in the air

i have juggled before.

i have juggled a full time job, full time college and maintained friendships and family obligations.
i have juggled events as i planned them and multiple projects at work.
i have been and always will be a juggler.

this point in my life is the biggest juggling act, thus far.

i am juggling my own business, paying my accountant, finding money to purchase software, closing on a new home, renovating the old one, packing to move (that hasn't EVEN started) and trying to at least keep the kitchen clean and laundry done.

i'm tired. my arms are tired from the juggling. i am hoping i can keep this up until the big stuff is completed in about a month.

i CAN'T WAIT to move to our new house! my 'honey do' list keeps growing. i'm hoping it will all settle out by july?

sheesh.

damn!

life is good.

closing date on new house is set. repairs and renovations on the old house are in motion. (i so rock in the whip-cracking department.) bunny passed his final exam for his architect's license. he passed all nine exams the first time! i am married to such a smarty pants.

i'm feeling good and life is good even if my niece the dog died on monday and a client's project had me stressed more than i have been a long time and even though all the communication related areas of life seem to be off-kilter at the moment.

billings are up. life is up. rain is up. it's all up!

yay!

is it sacrilegious to use a joan jett cd as a coaster? i hope not. she could kick my ass with her eyes closed.

rest in peace, little galveston

my niece, the dog, died yesterday. she was somewhere around 15 years old. my brother is very sad and there is nothing i can do to make it better as a big sister should.

galveston, or gal as she was known, was the first and only dog i have ever loved. my mom and i always talked about the way she would tilt her head to one side and look out of her bright eyes and you knew she was listening to you. while she did have really bad doggy breath, she was loving and protective of my brother and he of her. he adopted her from a shelter in san marcos, tx when he lived there on his own for the first time. gal had been an abused puppy and bore the effects of it until her last days. my brother loved her and she was his boon companion. she loved him and worshipped the ground he walked on. they got each other through many difficult times.

we will miss you gally-gal. may you rest in peace and chase all the squirrels you wish in doggie heaven.

rain

it's raining.

thank heavens.

it's been raining a good, steady, soaking rain since about 4:30 this afternoon. no high winds, very little thunder and no hail or tornadoes. it is refreshing and cool and the air smells so green.

*sigh*

*********************

i have committed to participating in the 3 day walk to benefit susan g. komen for the cure in october. 60 miles in three days after meeting my fundraising goal of $3700 dollars. so far, i have walked 4 out of 7 days for the last three weeks and have averaged 12 miles per week. my sore achilles tendon has sidelined me for a couple of days, but i should be back on track tomorrow. my "real" training schedule begins in may. by the end of the 24 weeks training period, i will have walked 63 miles. wow.

********************

next tuesday, bunny is going with me to the boob re-arranging doctor. i have finally made an appointment to discuss reducing the size of "the girls." they are a pain in the neck and i mean that literally. big decision. i hope the insurance company will cover it.

********************

time to go to bed. bunny is sending out his "husband is going to bed" warning. i've had a good day and i am ready to snuggle in and read a little before sleep.

ciao.

happy birthday to me...

today was my birthday.

37 years and i am still here.

thank you, april for my birthday call.

thank you marie for celebrating 25 of my 37 birthdays with me even if it is long distance.

thank you mom, for having me.

most of all, thank you bunny for a the beautiful roses, the fancy-schmancy serrated knife for cutting home made bread and the wonderful day made so much more by having you in my life.

*mwah!*

wavering

yesterday, i felt so strong and powerful and good. i was rested and focused and felt i could handle anything thrown my way.

today...not so much. i am tired and distracted. i don't want to do what i need to do in order to pay the bills. i have one client that is constantly arguing with me about my billed hours and i want to shake her and make her stop. it takes the time it takes and it's your problem figuring out how to bill your client, not mine!

*sigh*

i need to get outside and walk. i need the birds to chatter at me and the sun to warm my skin. there's plenty of time to work to pay the bills when life isn't visible through my window and everyone has gone to bed.



two days until my birthday...37 WILL be a very good year!

[no subject]

i have a headache and my desk is covered in the detritus of whoring for the furniture man.

drama continues as drama does. brother-in-law is supposed to get out of jail tonight, but not for free, thanks to bunny his boss and me. but he's still making collect calls from jail and making my headache worse.

i want to run away and be a gypsy and carefree like i thought i used to be which was never really true. i want to escape to coffee and music and cigarettes and good music where i can believe i am a heart-wrenching torch singer on someone's piano somewhere.

i need the warmth and comfort of friendship right now. great and wise universe, mother of all i can survey in my small mortal's view, please send me friendship.

i have a headache and my desk is covered in the detritus of whoring for the furniture man. i want to run away from the drama that continues to rise up in my way.

finding bliss

bunny saw oprah the other day (yes, my hubby bunny is an oprah fan) that was about women who looked MUCH younger than their chronological age. he informed me that one thing all these women have in common is they have found their bliss.

well, i've heard all about this finding one's bliss and bloom where you're planted and do what you love. my friends and i have from time-to-time discussed the marriage-career-family triad of having it all and whether this is true or not and how it might fit into the bliss equation.

i have come to the conclusion that my bliss is having a family (furry or otherwise), taking care of them and being creative with sewing or crocheting or jewelry-ing or art-ing. that career thing? not so much my bliss. do those things pay well? not so much.

now, i realize that bunny does not make enough (yet) for zelda to not work. so, i will whore for the furniture man and try hard not to make it a career any more. i am focusing my energies more to my creativity. THAT is my bliss. my kittens are my bliss. my bunny is my bliss. my friends are my bliss. my all-clad cookware and what i can do with it is my bliss. making pie is my bliss.

does this mean i really AM turning into donna reed? it might, but i am planning on buying stitch 'n bitch, the happy hooker to re-learn crocheting. is that something donna reed would do?

wwdrd?

no applause, just genuflection, please.

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Her Most Serene Highness Lady Zelda the Undulant of Longer Interval Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

donna reed

i was such a good, 1950's style wife this morning.

i got up, fixed my husband two eggs over easy, two strips of bacon, a slice of toast with butter and a nice, glass of orange juice.

then i sent him on his merry way (more like anxious and stressed way) to take architectual license exam number 8 of 9.

he is in the test right now and i so hope he is calm and collected and able to get through all the questions.

whether he passes or fails, i know he will attain his goal. i just wish he hadn't been so anxious when he left this morning.

i guess even a 1950's style wife can't solve the world's problems.

betwixt and between...

...i am very lonely.

i got yer pipe cleaner right here

plumber came again today. we have a regular plumber now. his name is david. he's been to our house 3 times in the last month. he knows our pipes inside and out. if this keeps up, he'll have a christmas stocking hanging on our mantel next year.

but wait! we'll have a mantel next year!

projected closing date on new house is beginning of april. our house will be an aries if all goes as planned.

still having sewer issues, but some are fixed. waiting on a meeting with the city about the remaining problem.

i hope i'm still not waiting this time next year.

merry

it's the evening of christmas day.

the tree was finally decorated yesterday as were the sugar cookies.
all the gifts were wrapped by saturday and the last were unwrapped today.

i have received many gifts this year and the greatest were not wrapped in pretty paper nor tied with sparkling bows. none of them cost a dime.

i am grateful and blessed.

i am thankful.

enough

i am so done with all of this today. no more, please. i'm trying to quit.

the downhill side of the roller coaster

not such an easy thing is life. it should be. at least i think it should be.

i'm feeling things i don't want to feel and can't easily explain right now. i want to be happy, but i'm edging on the blues.

the plumber couldn't come today. it's raining and plumbers don't like to plumb in the rain.

tomorrow, i hope.

it will be christmas at my house...

...come hell or sewer water!

yeah, so i spent my afternoon at target replacing bath mats, towels and pajamas that got in the way of the great sewer disaster. i really like my new bathroom rug and i hope bunny will like his, too! i'm not sure i'm sold on the towels i got. i think they're too pinky-brown for the bathroom.

at any rate, the house is sanitized and the bathrooms have been cleaned within an inch of their lives. the cleaning company that came out yesterday was awesome! two hours and my house was lemony fresh and sewer water remnants free! woo-hoo!

since the sewer line problem is not fixed, yet, bunny and i are being very careful not to involove the drains in a lot of work. let's just say that if it's yellow, we let it mellow and no paper products of any kind will go near any of the toilets. perhaps renting a port-a-potty would be easier, but i'm not to that point, yet.

wednesday is the soonest we can get anyone to try to fix the problem. hopefully, it will be fixed on wednesday and not drag out longer. we have tree roots obstructing our sewer line and the city guys called the mass of roots a "gator." i call it a pain in my pocket book. still no idea if insurance will cover any of our expenses. i'm not holding my breath.

********************

to lift my spirits and remind myself that it is indeed the holidays, i bought a pretty wreath and i hung it above our garage door. i didn't fall off the ladder or anything. yay! i also replaced our tree skirt since the old one got sludged. i'm hoping the cats won't chew the tassles off the new one immediately.

christmas shopping is almost finished. spending some family time with sister bunny and family tomorrow. next weekend we'll see mom and dad pinwheel, as well as brother pinwheel and his fiance.

**********************

i'm exhausted, but we're going to be ok. i am grateful for friends who are lawyers and holiday inn's that allow cats at no extra charge and for my tempurpedic bed and chiro-flow pillow.

when the universe wants you to clean house...

...sometimes it backs up the sewer.

so, yeah, every drain in our house yesterday backed up with sewer water. it overflowed in the bathrooms into the studio and hallway and master bedroom and from the garage where the washing machine is into the kitchen and dining area.

yay and merry freakin' christmas.

so, we are camping at the holiday inn next to i-35 with the cats. the mattress is lumpy and the cats are kind of freaked (as am i) but the room service breakfast was pretty damn good. right now, our house is full of blowers and de-humidifiers and the smell of sporicide which makes me cough. it sounds like a wind tunnel and will dry out your skin in seconds flat.

we are dealing with the insurance company, plumbers, cleaning services, a roll-off dumpster and the city. the blockage that caused all this is 75 feet from our house at the main. i never thought i'd get to see the inner workings of our sewer line on video. it is true that the camera adds 10 pounds.

we are moving back in tomorrow, come hell or (pardon the pun) high water. hopefully, all the equipment will be gone, soon and we can get to repairing the sheet rock and tile.

in the mean time, i am trying to deal with this AND still get in billable hours. while i am usually level-headed in a crisis, i lost it and freaked out yesterday when i discovered the water. i freaked out all over bunny's shirt.

well, i'm off to answer the door and get an estimate on sanitizing our house.

ttfn

perfectionists anonymous

there needs to be a recovery support group for perfectionists like me. of course, it would never really work...it wouldn't live up to the participants' expectations.

*snort*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

yeah, so i'm giving up perfectionism for lent. what's that you say? it's not lent and you know i'm not a christian? hmmm...makes one wonder on how successful i'll be at renouncing perfectionism. still...one day at a time...

bunny wisdom

last night, bunny and i discussed the situation with my former boss. he made me realize it is not about what i said nor is it about my karma. it is more about her karma and how she reacted to the situation.

it really helps to have the bunny perspective.

i feel better about it. i'm still me and i'm not gonna change that.

**************

i'm nursing a cold right now. i'm not down for the count, but i feel like i'm at round 12. i took today off and napped quite a bit. i've kept the anxiety at bay since my billable hours aren't fulfilled this week. no worries, i'll get them in later. my goals for this four day weekend are to make jewelry, make jewelry, make jewelry, finish a few things for da furniture man, spend time with my family and have date night with bunny.

my plan for date night is to bake holiday cookies with bunny (decorated, of course) and watch ice age-the meltdown. bunny says his plans for our next date night involve getting dressed up and going out.

i smell a shopping trip...

bunny is sleeping right now. i've made the "heavenly potatoes" for tomorrow's feast and will make the apple pie a la zelda tomorrow morning. the kittens are all snoozing and it is time for me to wash my face, say my prayers and go to bed.

g'night.

bridges unintentionally burned and karma

karma, what an interesting concept.

i've gotten through many things in my life relying on my belief in karma. you know..."what goes around, comes around" or "you reap what you sow" or "live by the sword, die by the sword."

ok, that last one was a bit violent.

at any rate, i lost business this week because of what i said in an exit interview nearly 2 years ago. what i said in that interview was not a personal attack, merely my perspective about what had happened while i was at the company and the state my former department was in at the time. my former boss took it personally. i lost a project because of it.

*sigh*

still, i stick to what i said and my reasons for saying it. i guess honesty of perspective can sometimes lead to karma biting one in the ass...er...pocketbook. i hold no grudge against said person, but said person obviously holds one against me.

i can't stop being who i am or thinking as i do so i'll just have to deal and move on.