sunday

sundays make me sad.

i get into the groove of the weekend with bunny (particularly since we are no longer consumed with rental house renovations) and then it's monday again and i have to be a grown up.

sometimes i want to run away.

i miss parts of myself that are no longer me. i used to drive. i would go out at night with a cd in the stereo, a pack of cloves and a soda and drive for hours singing at the top of my lungs on back country roads. my favorite time of year was fall. i'd roll down the windows, turn up the heat, crank the stereo and light up. the scented smoke would curl around my head as my hair blew in the wind and for just a moment, one single moment, i'd feel lighter than air.

those were painful times. i felt freedom in driving. i couldn't afford much back then and gas was cheap.

i miss those parts. it's kind of like becoming so accustomed to pain, you never realized how bad it was until it was gone. that pain was a comfort in a twisted way. i can still feel the hard knots of scar tissue on my heart now and then when i lay on it just right, late at night.

can i ever run truly away from it and towards what i have now? i wonder sometimes if the sadness then overwhelms the happiness now? then i think that that is just a pathetic thing. but still, the past colors the future no matter how much you want to bleach it bright white.

then was good in a weird way. now is better in a weird way.

a day without rain

we've had two of them, so far. who'd have thought texas would become a tropical rainforest?

yes, i know it has been a while. here is what has been happening...

we moved
we hired nephew bunny to do work on the old house
i had surgery
i took a week off work for recovery
i got flowers from four different peoples to "get well, soon"
i exclaimed, "they're so small!"
my little brother got married
we ran out of money for the old house
work was slow with the holiday so billings were down
found out isabel kitty has a tumor that must be removed
bunny updated all of our financial information
we ran out of money some more
we argued and discussed what to do with the old house
we have not decided (well, bunny hasn't) what to do with the old house
milo kitty went for his annual check up and weighs 12 lbs
work picked up and i will now be very busy
my new, smaller, perky breasts are healing
my clothes don't fit right any more
i haven't had to wear dressings on my incisions for several days
i had to take pain meds last week because i overdid at li'l bro's wedding
bunny took me to dinner and to see spamalot with his designer friend

hmm. that's quite a lot. in 8 days, bunny and i will have been married for two years!

i want to go shopping
i need to get back into training for the 3 day walk
i am pining for my friends
i love my bunny husband

up in the air

i have juggled before.

i have juggled a full time job, full time college and maintained friendships and family obligations.
i have juggled events as i planned them and multiple projects at work.
i have been and always will be a juggler.

this point in my life is the biggest juggling act, thus far.

i am juggling my own business, paying my accountant, finding money to purchase software, closing on a new home, renovating the old one, packing to move (that hasn't EVEN started) and trying to at least keep the kitchen clean and laundry done.

i'm tired. my arms are tired from the juggling. i am hoping i can keep this up until the big stuff is completed in about a month.

i CAN'T WAIT to move to our new house! my 'honey do' list keeps growing. i'm hoping it will all settle out by july?

sheesh.

damn!

life is good.

closing date on new house is set. repairs and renovations on the old house are in motion. (i so rock in the whip-cracking department.) bunny passed his final exam for his architect's license. he passed all nine exams the first time! i am married to such a smarty pants.

i'm feeling good and life is good even if my niece the dog died on monday and a client's project had me stressed more than i have been a long time and even though all the communication related areas of life seem to be off-kilter at the moment.

billings are up. life is up. rain is up. it's all up!

yay!

is it sacrilegious to use a joan jett cd as a coaster? i hope not. she could kick my ass with her eyes closed.

rest in peace, little galveston

my niece, the dog, died yesterday. she was somewhere around 15 years old. my brother is very sad and there is nothing i can do to make it better as a big sister should.

galveston, or gal as she was known, was the first and only dog i have ever loved. my mom and i always talked about the way she would tilt her head to one side and look out of her bright eyes and you knew she was listening to you. while she did have really bad doggy breath, she was loving and protective of my brother and he of her. he adopted her from a shelter in san marcos, tx when he lived there on his own for the first time. gal had been an abused puppy and bore the effects of it until her last days. my brother loved her and she was his boon companion. she loved him and worshipped the ground he walked on. they got each other through many difficult times.

we will miss you gally-gal. may you rest in peace and chase all the squirrels you wish in doggie heaven.

rain

it's raining.

thank heavens.

it's been raining a good, steady, soaking rain since about 4:30 this afternoon. no high winds, very little thunder and no hail or tornadoes. it is refreshing and cool and the air smells so green.

*sigh*

*********************

i have committed to participating in the 3 day walk to benefit susan g. komen for the cure in october. 60 miles in three days after meeting my fundraising goal of $3700 dollars. so far, i have walked 4 out of 7 days for the last three weeks and have averaged 12 miles per week. my sore achilles tendon has sidelined me for a couple of days, but i should be back on track tomorrow. my "real" training schedule begins in may. by the end of the 24 weeks training period, i will have walked 63 miles. wow.

********************

next tuesday, bunny is going with me to the boob re-arranging doctor. i have finally made an appointment to discuss reducing the size of "the girls." they are a pain in the neck and i mean that literally. big decision. i hope the insurance company will cover it.

********************

time to go to bed. bunny is sending out his "husband is going to bed" warning. i've had a good day and i am ready to snuggle in and read a little before sleep.

ciao.

happy birthday to me...

today was my birthday.

37 years and i am still here.

thank you, april for my birthday call.

thank you marie for celebrating 25 of my 37 birthdays with me even if it is long distance.

thank you mom, for having me.

most of all, thank you bunny for a the beautiful roses, the fancy-schmancy serrated knife for cutting home made bread and the wonderful day made so much more by having you in my life.

*mwah!*

wavering

yesterday, i felt so strong and powerful and good. i was rested and focused and felt i could handle anything thrown my way.

today...not so much. i am tired and distracted. i don't want to do what i need to do in order to pay the bills. i have one client that is constantly arguing with me about my billed hours and i want to shake her and make her stop. it takes the time it takes and it's your problem figuring out how to bill your client, not mine!

*sigh*

i need to get outside and walk. i need the birds to chatter at me and the sun to warm my skin. there's plenty of time to work to pay the bills when life isn't visible through my window and everyone has gone to bed.



two days until my birthday...37 WILL be a very good year!

[no subject]

i have a headache and my desk is covered in the detritus of whoring for the furniture man.

drama continues as drama does. brother-in-law is supposed to get out of jail tonight, but not for free, thanks to bunny his boss and me. but he's still making collect calls from jail and making my headache worse.

i want to run away and be a gypsy and carefree like i thought i used to be which was never really true. i want to escape to coffee and music and cigarettes and good music where i can believe i am a heart-wrenching torch singer on someone's piano somewhere.

i need the warmth and comfort of friendship right now. great and wise universe, mother of all i can survey in my small mortal's view, please send me friendship.

i have a headache and my desk is covered in the detritus of whoring for the furniture man. i want to run away from the drama that continues to rise up in my way.

finding bliss

bunny saw oprah the other day (yes, my hubby bunny is an oprah fan) that was about women who looked MUCH younger than their chronological age. he informed me that one thing all these women have in common is they have found their bliss.

well, i've heard all about this finding one's bliss and bloom where you're planted and do what you love. my friends and i have from time-to-time discussed the marriage-career-family triad of having it all and whether this is true or not and how it might fit into the bliss equation.

i have come to the conclusion that my bliss is having a family (furry or otherwise), taking care of them and being creative with sewing or crocheting or jewelry-ing or art-ing. that career thing? not so much my bliss. do those things pay well? not so much.

now, i realize that bunny does not make enough (yet) for zelda to not work. so, i will whore for the furniture man and try hard not to make it a career any more. i am focusing my energies more to my creativity. THAT is my bliss. my kittens are my bliss. my bunny is my bliss. my friends are my bliss. my all-clad cookware and what i can do with it is my bliss. making pie is my bliss.

does this mean i really AM turning into donna reed? it might, but i am planning on buying stitch 'n bitch, the happy hooker to re-learn crocheting. is that something donna reed would do?

wwdrd?

no applause, just genuflection, please.

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Her Most Serene Highness Lady Zelda the Undulant of Longer Interval Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

donna reed

i was such a good, 1950's style wife this morning.

i got up, fixed my husband two eggs over easy, two strips of bacon, a slice of toast with butter and a nice, glass of orange juice.

then i sent him on his merry way (more like anxious and stressed way) to take architectual license exam number 8 of 9.

he is in the test right now and i so hope he is calm and collected and able to get through all the questions.

whether he passes or fails, i know he will attain his goal. i just wish he hadn't been so anxious when he left this morning.

i guess even a 1950's style wife can't solve the world's problems.

betwixt and between...

...i am very lonely.

i got yer pipe cleaner right here

plumber came again today. we have a regular plumber now. his name is david. he's been to our house 3 times in the last month. he knows our pipes inside and out. if this keeps up, he'll have a christmas stocking hanging on our mantel next year.

but wait! we'll have a mantel next year!

projected closing date on new house is beginning of april. our house will be an aries if all goes as planned.

still having sewer issues, but some are fixed. waiting on a meeting with the city about the remaining problem.

i hope i'm still not waiting this time next year.