sometimes women get weary

it seems all i do these days is talk myself blue . . . mostly to my husband who just stares at me.

i've come to the conclusion we either do not speak the same language or he has a hearing (perhaps listening) problem or i have a speaking problem or, like everyone else says, it is all sleep deprivation. i don't know. i'm just tired.

i am weary of being the dynamite under his butt.
i am weary of being last for consideration.
i am weary of sleep deprivation.
i am weary of financial problems and foreclosure and short sales.
i am weary of to do lists that never get done.
i am weary of clutter and crap and crappy clutter.
i am weary of job hunting.
i am weary of resistance - mostly mine - i know it's futile to resist.
i am weary of health issues.
i am weary of medical bills - $11,000 worth to be exact.
i am weary of no fun.
i am weary of no rain.
i am weary of no-show showings of the house.
i am weary of stress.
i am weary of unemployment without benefits.
i am weary of calendars.
i am weary of being fat.
i am weary of low self-esteem.
i am weary of depression.
i am weary of feeling useless.
i am weary of limbo
i am weary of laundry and dishes and all the chores that never end.

i am NOT weary of baby c's laughter.
i am NOT weary of baby c's smile.
i am NOT weary of baby c's warm smelling head.
i am NOT weary of being baby c's mama.

i want to run away with baby c and, yes, her papa to a wonderful place where i am not weary and have no worries and we can live happily ever after.

yes, i am dreaming.

7 days

t-minus 7 days and counting until baby arrives! i am excited, uncomfortable and mildly terrified. it will be good.

late into the night last night, bunny and i made the decision to put our house on the market in may. it is difficult, but it is the right one. we will have to either move back to the rental house we own or find someplace else to rent, depending on what our tenant does.

i find i am actually ok with this. i am planning the rooms and what will go where and i have a sense of calm. it will be a good base to start over and rebuild what we had started. we have learned a lot with our current house, much of it expensive, but valuable to us nonetheless.

at any rate, in about 7 days, we will have our baby in our arms and life begins anew again for us.