last night, bunny and i discussed the situation with my former boss. he made me realize it is not about what i said nor is it about my karma. it is more about her karma and how she reacted to the situation.
it really helps to have the bunny perspective.
i feel better about it. i'm still me and i'm not gonna change that.
**************
i'm nursing a cold right now. i'm not down for the count, but i feel like i'm at round 12. i took today off and napped quite a bit. i've kept the anxiety at bay since my billable hours aren't fulfilled this week. no worries, i'll get them in later. my goals for this four day weekend are to make jewelry, make jewelry, make jewelry, finish a few things for da furniture man, spend time with my family and have date night with bunny.
my plan for date night is to bake holiday cookies with bunny (decorated, of course) and watch ice age-the meltdown. bunny says his plans for our next date night involve getting dressed up and going out.
i smell a shopping trip...
bunny is sleeping right now. i've made the "heavenly potatoes" for tomorrow's feast and will make the apple pie a la zelda tomorrow morning. the kittens are all snoozing and it is time for me to wash my face, say my prayers and go to bed.
g'night.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
bridges unintentionally burned and karma
karma, what an interesting concept.
i've gotten through many things in my life relying on my belief in karma. you know..."what goes around, comes around" or "you reap what you sow" or "live by the sword, die by the sword."
ok, that last one was a bit violent.
at any rate, i lost business this week because of what i said in an exit interview nearly 2 years ago. what i said in that interview was not a personal attack, merely my perspective about what had happened while i was at the company and the state my former department was in at the time. my former boss took it personally. i lost a project because of it.
*sigh*
still, i stick to what i said and my reasons for saying it. i guess honesty of perspective can sometimes lead to karma biting one in the ass...er...pocketbook. i hold no grudge against said person, but said person obviously holds one against me.
i can't stop being who i am or thinking as i do so i'll just have to deal and move on.
i've gotten through many things in my life relying on my belief in karma. you know..."what goes around, comes around" or "you reap what you sow" or "live by the sword, die by the sword."
ok, that last one was a bit violent.
at any rate, i lost business this week because of what i said in an exit interview nearly 2 years ago. what i said in that interview was not a personal attack, merely my perspective about what had happened while i was at the company and the state my former department was in at the time. my former boss took it personally. i lost a project because of it.
*sigh*
still, i stick to what i said and my reasons for saying it. i guess honesty of perspective can sometimes lead to karma biting one in the ass...er...pocketbook. i hold no grudge against said person, but said person obviously holds one against me.
i can't stop being who i am or thinking as i do so i'll just have to deal and move on.
Monday, November 13, 2006
chapters closing
ah, another chapter in my life today closed...well, it slammed shut.
some people in this world will always be in high school; will always think they are in high school; will always act like they are in high school.
tell me, why after 2+ years would someone bother to care if someone they used to know read their blog and why would someone bother to pick a fight via their blog with the aforementioned person?
the blame game and immaturity, methinks...the same reasons the aforementioned person stopped seeing the other.
some people in this world will always be in high school; will always think they are in high school; will always act like they are in high school.
tell me, why after 2+ years would someone bother to care if someone they used to know read their blog and why would someone bother to pick a fight via their blog with the aforementioned person?
the blame game and immaturity, methinks...the same reasons the aforementioned person stopped seeing the other.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
confessions of an entrepreneur
well, i have definitely learned how to spell 'entrepreneur.' darn those french with their tricky use of e's and u's!
i'm supposed to be working right now. shhhhh! don't tell my boss. oh, wait! that's me!
*snort*
i have to confess, this whole working for myself thing isn't all bon bons and cappuccinos. in fact, i have neither bon bons nor cappuccinos in my house. -note to self: stock up on bon-bons and cappuccino. i wonder if costco has those?- at any rate, i found myself worrying last night as i was trying to fall asleep. i was worrying about money and having enough. of course, i'd have to be able to define 'enough' in order to quit worrying about it. therein lies the rub. i checked the pinwheel-bunny bank account and the pinwheel business account this morning and my worries were assuaged. *whew*
i also worry that i will get my website up and running and the jewelry biz started in time for the holiday buying season. i need to set aside time for this and fast! i am getting caught up in whoring for the furniture man and i have to remember i'm supposed to get to say who, how much and when. it's the when part that i'm a little fuzzy about.
at any rate (an expression i picked up from my mother many years ago), yesterday was a nice day. bunny took the day off as did i to spend it with mama pinwheel at the dallas museum of art and the nasher sculpture center. the day was gorgeously beautiful and the temperature was just right. we saw the van gogh exhibition and lunched at the nasher cafe. the $10 sandwiches were actually worth that much! how refreshing. today, my knees and feet are feeling the effects of standing/walking on concrete for about 6 hours.
in other unrelated news, miss boo is now able to get up to our bed with the assistance of a step. she is happy as a clam (although i wonder if clams can be unhappy) and has slept with us the last two nights. she is also up and about much more. i caught her bickering with sir snoopy this morning as he was reminding her to be careful while climbing over boxes. (at least, that's what i like to think he was doing.)
i gotta get back to work...billable hours, ya' know.
i'm supposed to be working right now. shhhhh! don't tell my boss. oh, wait! that's me!
*snort*
i have to confess, this whole working for myself thing isn't all bon bons and cappuccinos. in fact, i have neither bon bons nor cappuccinos in my house. -note to self: stock up on bon-bons and cappuccino. i wonder if costco has those?- at any rate, i found myself worrying last night as i was trying to fall asleep. i was worrying about money and having enough. of course, i'd have to be able to define 'enough' in order to quit worrying about it. therein lies the rub. i checked the pinwheel-bunny bank account and the pinwheel business account this morning and my worries were assuaged. *whew*
i also worry that i will get my website up and running and the jewelry biz started in time for the holiday buying season. i need to set aside time for this and fast! i am getting caught up in whoring for the furniture man and i have to remember i'm supposed to get to say who, how much and when. it's the when part that i'm a little fuzzy about.
at any rate (an expression i picked up from my mother many years ago), yesterday was a nice day. bunny took the day off as did i to spend it with mama pinwheel at the dallas museum of art and the nasher sculpture center. the day was gorgeously beautiful and the temperature was just right. we saw the van gogh exhibition and lunched at the nasher cafe. the $10 sandwiches were actually worth that much! how refreshing. today, my knees and feet are feeling the effects of standing/walking on concrete for about 6 hours.
in other unrelated news, miss boo is now able to get up to our bed with the assistance of a step. she is happy as a clam (although i wonder if clams can be unhappy) and has slept with us the last two nights. she is also up and about much more. i caught her bickering with sir snoopy this morning as he was reminding her to be careful while climbing over boxes. (at least, that's what i like to think he was doing.)
i gotta get back to work...billable hours, ya' know.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Monday, November 06, 2006
chronicles of an entrepreneur
so it is week two of being the boss. so far, my employees are less than attentive to my requests and more inclined to taking naps or stalking birds from the window sill.
so far today, i have issued my first invoice for 20.5 hours of billable time last week. i am looking forward to receiving my first payment next week and, if i didn't need to bring home the bacon, i'd probably frame that sucker and stick it on my desk next to my first wedding anniversary card that came with flowers from my husband. i have my priorities straight. *snort*
this business thing, while not tricky, can be quite complicated. all those hours of paper work and administrative tasks i used to perform and get paid for, are now freebies to the client since they are not billable time. *sigh* that's ok. that's why i figured out my hourly rate. :0) i have to get all the payroll taxes figured out, but i am adopting a scarlett o'hara attitude with it for a while. besides, "tomorrow is another day."
***groove is in the heart. what an awesome song.***
on today's agenda are double checking a huge inventory of furniture from the airport, working on reconfiguring work stations for the city, a trip to the post office and receiving my order for jewelry supplies. yay! the website is coming along and i also have to come up with witty things to say to draw customers in and make them want to buy my fabulous art and jewelry! yeah, maybe not today.
"she works hard for the money..."
so far today, i have issued my first invoice for 20.5 hours of billable time last week. i am looking forward to receiving my first payment next week and, if i didn't need to bring home the bacon, i'd probably frame that sucker and stick it on my desk next to my first wedding anniversary card that came with flowers from my husband. i have my priorities straight. *snort*
this business thing, while not tricky, can be quite complicated. all those hours of paper work and administrative tasks i used to perform and get paid for, are now freebies to the client since they are not billable time. *sigh* that's ok. that's why i figured out my hourly rate. :0) i have to get all the payroll taxes figured out, but i am adopting a scarlett o'hara attitude with it for a while. besides, "tomorrow is another day."
***groove is in the heart. what an awesome song.***
on today's agenda are double checking a huge inventory of furniture from the airport, working on reconfiguring work stations for the city, a trip to the post office and receiving my order for jewelry supplies. yay! the website is coming along and i also have to come up with witty things to say to draw customers in and make them want to buy my fabulous art and jewelry! yeah, maybe not today.
"she works hard for the money..."
Friday, November 03, 2006
a weighty issue
i've talked about this before. of course, that would have been on my now vaporized diary-x blog. at any rate, my weight has been the subject of my blogging many times over and here it is again.
about two years ago, i lost 40 pounds. since moving, changing jobs and marrying ktb, i've gained half that back. i haven't gained any weight in about 6 months. the re-gain occurred between december of 2005 and april of 2006 in the depths of my depression. there are many reasons why i have gained and lost weight over my lifetime. genetics, depression, stress, emotional/psychological issues, abuse name but a few. i have struggle with it my ENTIRE life and i married a man who has never had to worry about his weight.
talk about confronting an issue.
my husband enjoys watching oprah, especially when dr. mehmet oz appears on the show for more fun and games with biology. i find his information extremely helpful and i appreciate his perspective on the issues of weight and risks for heart disease and cancer. every time bunny watches one of these appearances, the issue of my weight rears its ugly head.
now, before you think ill of bunny, i must inform you that he is not mean or spiteful or hurtful about my weight. he loves me for who i am and it is my own issues that make this difficult to deal with. however, even though he comes from a place of love and concern when he brings up lifestyle changes for better health, it's still hard for me.
i have yo-yo'd many times. yes, i am well above the point at which the government has deemed i would be healthy in proportion to my weight. the stock from which my genes are derived are dense, plump, german folk who never worried a day in their lives whether or not they were over a government limit that might mean higher health insurance rates, much less a higher risk for fatal diseases. they just were who they were. they ate what they ate and lived as they lived.
i have compared myself cruelly to everyone else in the room, to those on the covers of magazines, to everyone in movies and tv shows and to people as i walk the streets in the everyday. i never measure up. well, i measure up which is the issue. i have been the fat girl since i was 10 and hit puberty, or more accurately, puberty hit me. i have not shopped in "regular" stores in my adult life with the exception of two years in my teens when i was borderline anorexic. i have been ridiculed, villified, discriminated against and generally made to feel less than human on more than one occasion. i know it was one reason i did not date for many years.
still, i know that weight is not the whole of my character. i know that my struggles with weight have had a large (no pun intended) part in creating who i am today as are many other things that have left their fingerprints on me. i know that when i look in the mirror, the adjectives i use to describe myself are rarely kind and often perfectionist which only reinforce the things i have been lead to believe by a society that judges based on appearance and my own demons.
so, what is all this potentially nauseating, self-confessional, quasi-therapeutic dribble for?
i'm trying to come to terms with who i am, physically and spiritually and emotionally and psychologically. i am trying to be happy with what the universe has given me in this life INCLUDING my physical shell. i am trying to find a healthy way to live that does not put food at the center of my existence nor as the balm for my emotional wounds. i am trying to be healthy, live healthfully and think healthfully.
*snort*
no small order there. 27 years of unhealthy attitudes is a lot to overcome, but i can not give up hope that i will have some understanding and maybe, just maybe, gain a little wisdom when it comes to my body and how i see it/think it/feel it/LOVE it.
about two years ago, i lost 40 pounds. since moving, changing jobs and marrying ktb, i've gained half that back. i haven't gained any weight in about 6 months. the re-gain occurred between december of 2005 and april of 2006 in the depths of my depression. there are many reasons why i have gained and lost weight over my lifetime. genetics, depression, stress, emotional/psychological issues, abuse name but a few. i have struggle with it my ENTIRE life and i married a man who has never had to worry about his weight.
talk about confronting an issue.
my husband enjoys watching oprah, especially when dr. mehmet oz appears on the show for more fun and games with biology. i find his information extremely helpful and i appreciate his perspective on the issues of weight and risks for heart disease and cancer. every time bunny watches one of these appearances, the issue of my weight rears its ugly head.
now, before you think ill of bunny, i must inform you that he is not mean or spiteful or hurtful about my weight. he loves me for who i am and it is my own issues that make this difficult to deal with. however, even though he comes from a place of love and concern when he brings up lifestyle changes for better health, it's still hard for me.
i have yo-yo'd many times. yes, i am well above the point at which the government has deemed i would be healthy in proportion to my weight. the stock from which my genes are derived are dense, plump, german folk who never worried a day in their lives whether or not they were over a government limit that might mean higher health insurance rates, much less a higher risk for fatal diseases. they just were who they were. they ate what they ate and lived as they lived.
i have compared myself cruelly to everyone else in the room, to those on the covers of magazines, to everyone in movies and tv shows and to people as i walk the streets in the everyday. i never measure up. well, i measure up which is the issue. i have been the fat girl since i was 10 and hit puberty, or more accurately, puberty hit me. i have not shopped in "regular" stores in my adult life with the exception of two years in my teens when i was borderline anorexic. i have been ridiculed, villified, discriminated against and generally made to feel less than human on more than one occasion. i know it was one reason i did not date for many years.
still, i know that weight is not the whole of my character. i know that my struggles with weight have had a large (no pun intended) part in creating who i am today as are many other things that have left their fingerprints on me. i know that when i look in the mirror, the adjectives i use to describe myself are rarely kind and often perfectionist which only reinforce the things i have been lead to believe by a society that judges based on appearance and my own demons.
so, what is all this potentially nauseating, self-confessional, quasi-therapeutic dribble for?
i'm trying to come to terms with who i am, physically and spiritually and emotionally and psychologically. i am trying to be happy with what the universe has given me in this life INCLUDING my physical shell. i am trying to find a healthy way to live that does not put food at the center of my existence nor as the balm for my emotional wounds. i am trying to be healthy, live healthfully and think healthfully.
*snort*
no small order there. 27 years of unhealthy attitudes is a lot to overcome, but i can not give up hope that i will have some understanding and maybe, just maybe, gain a little wisdom when it comes to my body and how i see it/think it/feel it/LOVE it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)