last night, bunny and i discussed the situation with my former boss. he made me realize it is not about what i said nor is it about my karma. it is more about her karma and how she reacted to the situation.
it really helps to have the bunny perspective.
i feel better about it. i'm still me and i'm not gonna change that.
**************
i'm nursing a cold right now. i'm not down for the count, but i feel like i'm at round 12. i took today off and napped quite a bit. i've kept the anxiety at bay since my billable hours aren't fulfilled this week. no worries, i'll get them in later. my goals for this four day weekend are to make jewelry, make jewelry, make jewelry, finish a few things for da furniture man, spend time with my family and have date night with bunny.
my plan for date night is to bake holiday cookies with bunny (decorated, of course) and watch ice age-the meltdown. bunny says his plans for our next date night involve getting dressed up and going out.
i smell a shopping trip...
bunny is sleeping right now. i've made the "heavenly potatoes" for tomorrow's feast and will make the apple pie a la zelda tomorrow morning. the kittens are all snoozing and it is time for me to wash my face, say my prayers and go to bed.
g'night.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
bridges unintentionally burned and karma
karma, what an interesting concept.
i've gotten through many things in my life relying on my belief in karma. you know..."what goes around, comes around" or "you reap what you sow" or "live by the sword, die by the sword."
ok, that last one was a bit violent.
at any rate, i lost business this week because of what i said in an exit interview nearly 2 years ago. what i said in that interview was not a personal attack, merely my perspective about what had happened while i was at the company and the state my former department was in at the time. my former boss took it personally. i lost a project because of it.
*sigh*
still, i stick to what i said and my reasons for saying it. i guess honesty of perspective can sometimes lead to karma biting one in the ass...er...pocketbook. i hold no grudge against said person, but said person obviously holds one against me.
i can't stop being who i am or thinking as i do so i'll just have to deal and move on.
i've gotten through many things in my life relying on my belief in karma. you know..."what goes around, comes around" or "you reap what you sow" or "live by the sword, die by the sword."
ok, that last one was a bit violent.
at any rate, i lost business this week because of what i said in an exit interview nearly 2 years ago. what i said in that interview was not a personal attack, merely my perspective about what had happened while i was at the company and the state my former department was in at the time. my former boss took it personally. i lost a project because of it.
*sigh*
still, i stick to what i said and my reasons for saying it. i guess honesty of perspective can sometimes lead to karma biting one in the ass...er...pocketbook. i hold no grudge against said person, but said person obviously holds one against me.
i can't stop being who i am or thinking as i do so i'll just have to deal and move on.
Monday, November 13, 2006
chapters closing
ah, another chapter in my life today closed...well, it slammed shut.
some people in this world will always be in high school; will always think they are in high school; will always act like they are in high school.
tell me, why after 2+ years would someone bother to care if someone they used to know read their blog and why would someone bother to pick a fight via their blog with the aforementioned person?
the blame game and immaturity, methinks...the same reasons the aforementioned person stopped seeing the other.
some people in this world will always be in high school; will always think they are in high school; will always act like they are in high school.
tell me, why after 2+ years would someone bother to care if someone they used to know read their blog and why would someone bother to pick a fight via their blog with the aforementioned person?
the blame game and immaturity, methinks...the same reasons the aforementioned person stopped seeing the other.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
confessions of an entrepreneur
well, i have definitely learned how to spell 'entrepreneur.' darn those french with their tricky use of e's and u's!
i'm supposed to be working right now. shhhhh! don't tell my boss. oh, wait! that's me!
*snort*
i have to confess, this whole working for myself thing isn't all bon bons and cappuccinos. in fact, i have neither bon bons nor cappuccinos in my house. -note to self: stock up on bon-bons and cappuccino. i wonder if costco has those?- at any rate, i found myself worrying last night as i was trying to fall asleep. i was worrying about money and having enough. of course, i'd have to be able to define 'enough' in order to quit worrying about it. therein lies the rub. i checked the pinwheel-bunny bank account and the pinwheel business account this morning and my worries were assuaged. *whew*
i also worry that i will get my website up and running and the jewelry biz started in time for the holiday buying season. i need to set aside time for this and fast! i am getting caught up in whoring for the furniture man and i have to remember i'm supposed to get to say who, how much and when. it's the when part that i'm a little fuzzy about.
at any rate (an expression i picked up from my mother many years ago), yesterday was a nice day. bunny took the day off as did i to spend it with mama pinwheel at the dallas museum of art and the nasher sculpture center. the day was gorgeously beautiful and the temperature was just right. we saw the van gogh exhibition and lunched at the nasher cafe. the $10 sandwiches were actually worth that much! how refreshing. today, my knees and feet are feeling the effects of standing/walking on concrete for about 6 hours.
in other unrelated news, miss boo is now able to get up to our bed with the assistance of a step. she is happy as a clam (although i wonder if clams can be unhappy) and has slept with us the last two nights. she is also up and about much more. i caught her bickering with sir snoopy this morning as he was reminding her to be careful while climbing over boxes. (at least, that's what i like to think he was doing.)
i gotta get back to work...billable hours, ya' know.
i'm supposed to be working right now. shhhhh! don't tell my boss. oh, wait! that's me!
*snort*
i have to confess, this whole working for myself thing isn't all bon bons and cappuccinos. in fact, i have neither bon bons nor cappuccinos in my house. -note to self: stock up on bon-bons and cappuccino. i wonder if costco has those?- at any rate, i found myself worrying last night as i was trying to fall asleep. i was worrying about money and having enough. of course, i'd have to be able to define 'enough' in order to quit worrying about it. therein lies the rub. i checked the pinwheel-bunny bank account and the pinwheel business account this morning and my worries were assuaged. *whew*
i also worry that i will get my website up and running and the jewelry biz started in time for the holiday buying season. i need to set aside time for this and fast! i am getting caught up in whoring for the furniture man and i have to remember i'm supposed to get to say who, how much and when. it's the when part that i'm a little fuzzy about.
at any rate (an expression i picked up from my mother many years ago), yesterday was a nice day. bunny took the day off as did i to spend it with mama pinwheel at the dallas museum of art and the nasher sculpture center. the day was gorgeously beautiful and the temperature was just right. we saw the van gogh exhibition and lunched at the nasher cafe. the $10 sandwiches were actually worth that much! how refreshing. today, my knees and feet are feeling the effects of standing/walking on concrete for about 6 hours.
in other unrelated news, miss boo is now able to get up to our bed with the assistance of a step. she is happy as a clam (although i wonder if clams can be unhappy) and has slept with us the last two nights. she is also up and about much more. i caught her bickering with sir snoopy this morning as he was reminding her to be careful while climbing over boxes. (at least, that's what i like to think he was doing.)
i gotta get back to work...billable hours, ya' know.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Monday, November 06, 2006
chronicles of an entrepreneur
so it is week two of being the boss. so far, my employees are less than attentive to my requests and more inclined to taking naps or stalking birds from the window sill.
so far today, i have issued my first invoice for 20.5 hours of billable time last week. i am looking forward to receiving my first payment next week and, if i didn't need to bring home the bacon, i'd probably frame that sucker and stick it on my desk next to my first wedding anniversary card that came with flowers from my husband. i have my priorities straight. *snort*
this business thing, while not tricky, can be quite complicated. all those hours of paper work and administrative tasks i used to perform and get paid for, are now freebies to the client since they are not billable time. *sigh* that's ok. that's why i figured out my hourly rate. :0) i have to get all the payroll taxes figured out, but i am adopting a scarlett o'hara attitude with it for a while. besides, "tomorrow is another day."
***groove is in the heart. what an awesome song.***
on today's agenda are double checking a huge inventory of furniture from the airport, working on reconfiguring work stations for the city, a trip to the post office and receiving my order for jewelry supplies. yay! the website is coming along and i also have to come up with witty things to say to draw customers in and make them want to buy my fabulous art and jewelry! yeah, maybe not today.
"she works hard for the money..."
so far today, i have issued my first invoice for 20.5 hours of billable time last week. i am looking forward to receiving my first payment next week and, if i didn't need to bring home the bacon, i'd probably frame that sucker and stick it on my desk next to my first wedding anniversary card that came with flowers from my husband. i have my priorities straight. *snort*
this business thing, while not tricky, can be quite complicated. all those hours of paper work and administrative tasks i used to perform and get paid for, are now freebies to the client since they are not billable time. *sigh* that's ok. that's why i figured out my hourly rate. :0) i have to get all the payroll taxes figured out, but i am adopting a scarlett o'hara attitude with it for a while. besides, "tomorrow is another day."
***groove is in the heart. what an awesome song.***
on today's agenda are double checking a huge inventory of furniture from the airport, working on reconfiguring work stations for the city, a trip to the post office and receiving my order for jewelry supplies. yay! the website is coming along and i also have to come up with witty things to say to draw customers in and make them want to buy my fabulous art and jewelry! yeah, maybe not today.
"she works hard for the money..."
Friday, November 03, 2006
a weighty issue
i've talked about this before. of course, that would have been on my now vaporized diary-x blog. at any rate, my weight has been the subject of my blogging many times over and here it is again.
about two years ago, i lost 40 pounds. since moving, changing jobs and marrying ktb, i've gained half that back. i haven't gained any weight in about 6 months. the re-gain occurred between december of 2005 and april of 2006 in the depths of my depression. there are many reasons why i have gained and lost weight over my lifetime. genetics, depression, stress, emotional/psychological issues, abuse name but a few. i have struggle with it my ENTIRE life and i married a man who has never had to worry about his weight.
talk about confronting an issue.
my husband enjoys watching oprah, especially when dr. mehmet oz appears on the show for more fun and games with biology. i find his information extremely helpful and i appreciate his perspective on the issues of weight and risks for heart disease and cancer. every time bunny watches one of these appearances, the issue of my weight rears its ugly head.
now, before you think ill of bunny, i must inform you that he is not mean or spiteful or hurtful about my weight. he loves me for who i am and it is my own issues that make this difficult to deal with. however, even though he comes from a place of love and concern when he brings up lifestyle changes for better health, it's still hard for me.
i have yo-yo'd many times. yes, i am well above the point at which the government has deemed i would be healthy in proportion to my weight. the stock from which my genes are derived are dense, plump, german folk who never worried a day in their lives whether or not they were over a government limit that might mean higher health insurance rates, much less a higher risk for fatal diseases. they just were who they were. they ate what they ate and lived as they lived.
i have compared myself cruelly to everyone else in the room, to those on the covers of magazines, to everyone in movies and tv shows and to people as i walk the streets in the everyday. i never measure up. well, i measure up which is the issue. i have been the fat girl since i was 10 and hit puberty, or more accurately, puberty hit me. i have not shopped in "regular" stores in my adult life with the exception of two years in my teens when i was borderline anorexic. i have been ridiculed, villified, discriminated against and generally made to feel less than human on more than one occasion. i know it was one reason i did not date for many years.
still, i know that weight is not the whole of my character. i know that my struggles with weight have had a large (no pun intended) part in creating who i am today as are many other things that have left their fingerprints on me. i know that when i look in the mirror, the adjectives i use to describe myself are rarely kind and often perfectionist which only reinforce the things i have been lead to believe by a society that judges based on appearance and my own demons.
so, what is all this potentially nauseating, self-confessional, quasi-therapeutic dribble for?
i'm trying to come to terms with who i am, physically and spiritually and emotionally and psychologically. i am trying to be happy with what the universe has given me in this life INCLUDING my physical shell. i am trying to find a healthy way to live that does not put food at the center of my existence nor as the balm for my emotional wounds. i am trying to be healthy, live healthfully and think healthfully.
*snort*
no small order there. 27 years of unhealthy attitudes is a lot to overcome, but i can not give up hope that i will have some understanding and maybe, just maybe, gain a little wisdom when it comes to my body and how i see it/think it/feel it/LOVE it.
about two years ago, i lost 40 pounds. since moving, changing jobs and marrying ktb, i've gained half that back. i haven't gained any weight in about 6 months. the re-gain occurred between december of 2005 and april of 2006 in the depths of my depression. there are many reasons why i have gained and lost weight over my lifetime. genetics, depression, stress, emotional/psychological issues, abuse name but a few. i have struggle with it my ENTIRE life and i married a man who has never had to worry about his weight.
talk about confronting an issue.
my husband enjoys watching oprah, especially when dr. mehmet oz appears on the show for more fun and games with biology. i find his information extremely helpful and i appreciate his perspective on the issues of weight and risks for heart disease and cancer. every time bunny watches one of these appearances, the issue of my weight rears its ugly head.
now, before you think ill of bunny, i must inform you that he is not mean or spiteful or hurtful about my weight. he loves me for who i am and it is my own issues that make this difficult to deal with. however, even though he comes from a place of love and concern when he brings up lifestyle changes for better health, it's still hard for me.
i have yo-yo'd many times. yes, i am well above the point at which the government has deemed i would be healthy in proportion to my weight. the stock from which my genes are derived are dense, plump, german folk who never worried a day in their lives whether or not they were over a government limit that might mean higher health insurance rates, much less a higher risk for fatal diseases. they just were who they were. they ate what they ate and lived as they lived.
i have compared myself cruelly to everyone else in the room, to those on the covers of magazines, to everyone in movies and tv shows and to people as i walk the streets in the everyday. i never measure up. well, i measure up which is the issue. i have been the fat girl since i was 10 and hit puberty, or more accurately, puberty hit me. i have not shopped in "regular" stores in my adult life with the exception of two years in my teens when i was borderline anorexic. i have been ridiculed, villified, discriminated against and generally made to feel less than human on more than one occasion. i know it was one reason i did not date for many years.
still, i know that weight is not the whole of my character. i know that my struggles with weight have had a large (no pun intended) part in creating who i am today as are many other things that have left their fingerprints on me. i know that when i look in the mirror, the adjectives i use to describe myself are rarely kind and often perfectionist which only reinforce the things i have been lead to believe by a society that judges based on appearance and my own demons.
so, what is all this potentially nauseating, self-confessional, quasi-therapeutic dribble for?
i'm trying to come to terms with who i am, physically and spiritually and emotionally and psychologically. i am trying to be happy with what the universe has given me in this life INCLUDING my physical shell. i am trying to find a healthy way to live that does not put food at the center of my existence nor as the balm for my emotional wounds. i am trying to be healthy, live healthfully and think healthfully.
*snort*
no small order there. 27 years of unhealthy attitudes is a lot to overcome, but i can not give up hope that i will have some understanding and maybe, just maybe, gain a little wisdom when it comes to my body and how i see it/think it/feel it/LOVE it.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Open for business
i am officially open for business.
(yay!)
i am currently installing software, printing my software set-up guides, waiting for my first project to be faxed over, drinking coffee, eating an organic apple with organic peanut butter and a cup of blueberry yogurt. i'm also doing laundry and sorting through the various layers if crap-ola we have accumulated in the office. *whew* i'm tired! (just kidding!)
so far, my new co-workers (princess of da howse, sir snoopy and milo the destructor) are fine. milo the destructor does have a penchant for racing across my new desk to get to the window, but i think i can adjust. princess of da howse pretty much hangs out in her basket by the door and acts as look out. sir snoopy is napping. what a slacker. they are a far sight better than the combination of m & m at the last office.
so, it's day one as an entrepreneur and i have plenty to do. unfortunately, it's not all billable. i figure by the end of this week, beginning of next, all will be rolling into a rhythm and the projects will be coming in.
in the meantime, bunny and i are waiting on the final response to the house we want on lot 12. cross your fingers for us.
(yay!)
i am currently installing software, printing my software set-up guides, waiting for my first project to be faxed over, drinking coffee, eating an organic apple with organic peanut butter and a cup of blueberry yogurt. i'm also doing laundry and sorting through the various layers if crap-ola we have accumulated in the office. *whew* i'm tired! (just kidding!)
so far, my new co-workers (princess of da howse, sir snoopy and milo the destructor) are fine. milo the destructor does have a penchant for racing across my new desk to get to the window, but i think i can adjust. princess of da howse pretty much hangs out in her basket by the door and acts as look out. sir snoopy is napping. what a slacker. they are a far sight better than the combination of m & m at the last office.
so, it's day one as an entrepreneur and i have plenty to do. unfortunately, it's not all billable. i figure by the end of this week, beginning of next, all will be rolling into a rhythm and the projects will be coming in.
in the meantime, bunny and i are waiting on the final response to the house we want on lot 12. cross your fingers for us.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
miss boo, 2
it has been a week since miss boo had her leg-ectomy. it was supposed to be a toe-ectomy, but the cancer had spread. she is up and about and getting back to her old, winning personality. she resembles a plucked, sutured chicken on one half of her hind region. she is trying to maintain as much dignity as possible, but with a missing leg, half her fur shaved off and an elizabethan collar to prevent the removal of her remaining stitches, it is a daunting task at best.
********
i quit my job monday. my last day at the green-growy design company is a week from this friday. the following monday, my life as an independent business woman begins. i am so ready. what i find rather humorous is that i still have this innate need to be punctual for a job at a company i dislike and from which i am departing. part of me wishes they'd ask me to leave before next week, with full pay of course, so i wouldn't have to deal with the wacko personalities there.
********
bunny and i are house hunting. well, we found the house for which we were hunting. now it's a matter of financing and offers and realtors and what to do about the current house. we've basically moved into the new house in every aspect but the physical. we drive by it nearly every night and it is not on the way home. sunday, our realtor friend is going with us to "check out the development." bunny is crossing his fingers we will walk out with a signed contract. so am i.
********
this change, this transition, i can handle all of this. amazing what therapy, a supportive husband and anti-depressants can do. i am zelda bunny...hear me roar!
********
i quit my job monday. my last day at the green-growy design company is a week from this friday. the following monday, my life as an independent business woman begins. i am so ready. what i find rather humorous is that i still have this innate need to be punctual for a job at a company i dislike and from which i am departing. part of me wishes they'd ask me to leave before next week, with full pay of course, so i wouldn't have to deal with the wacko personalities there.
********
bunny and i are house hunting. well, we found the house for which we were hunting. now it's a matter of financing and offers and realtors and what to do about the current house. we've basically moved into the new house in every aspect but the physical. we drive by it nearly every night and it is not on the way home. sunday, our realtor friend is going with us to "check out the development." bunny is crossing his fingers we will walk out with a signed contract. so am i.
********
this change, this transition, i can handle all of this. amazing what therapy, a supportive husband and anti-depressants can do. i am zelda bunny...hear me roar!
Thursday, October 05, 2006
miss boo
princess of da howse is affectionately known as 'boo."
it all started when i began calling her my "sweet baboo" like sally did to linus in the peanuts comic strip. now it is just shortened to 'boo.' ktb likes to embellish it and calls her 'boo-dly-hoo.'
yeah, well, at any rate, the number of toes on her foot is going to be shortened by one next wednesday. we got the biopsy results and her little toe (not so in size right now but as in pinky toe) has a myxosarcoma tumor. it is slow growing, so i am hoping that with the toe-ectomy, they will be able to get all of the cancer. radiation treatment will be recommended if it is discovered it has spread, but i just don't think 'boo' will handle 18 days of radiation treatment, 5 days a week at a time with the specialist's office a good 45 minute drive from home. she is already deathly afraid at the vet and i can not imagine how badly it might traumatize her. i don't want the rest of her life to be spent afraid and mean.
i am struggling with it. she is, after all, my 'boo,' my "sweet baboo."
it all started when i began calling her my "sweet baboo" like sally did to linus in the peanuts comic strip. now it is just shortened to 'boo.' ktb likes to embellish it and calls her 'boo-dly-hoo.'
yeah, well, at any rate, the number of toes on her foot is going to be shortened by one next wednesday. we got the biopsy results and her little toe (not so in size right now but as in pinky toe) has a myxosarcoma tumor. it is slow growing, so i am hoping that with the toe-ectomy, they will be able to get all of the cancer. radiation treatment will be recommended if it is discovered it has spread, but i just don't think 'boo' will handle 18 days of radiation treatment, 5 days a week at a time with the specialist's office a good 45 minute drive from home. she is already deathly afraid at the vet and i can not imagine how badly it might traumatize her. i don't want the rest of her life to be spent afraid and mean.
i am struggling with it. she is, after all, my 'boo,' my "sweet baboo."
Monday, October 02, 2006
big, pink bootie
one veterinary oncology appointment, one biopsy, one chemotherapy shot AND one cortisone shot leaves...
one cranky cat.
no news, yet.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
yargh!
it has been a tough week at the pinwheel-bunny house.
as you may have read at ktb's blog, princess of da howse has cancer. what kind and what to do about it remains to be seen. yes, she is 12-almost-13 years old, yes she has had a good life for a once-foundling-nearly-always-cranky-sometimes-downright-dangerous cat. still, she is my 'boo' and i am not yet ready to part with her.
i am very forthunate that the pinwheel-bunny family finances are such that i am allowed the luxury of taking her to a veterinary oncologist. if it were two years ago, this would be even more difficult than it already is.
on the job front, work at the green, growy company has been...well...less than stellar. it has been great to have the change in pace, pressure and deadlines. i enjoy working with green growy ideas, however lacking in knowledge i am. i do feel a bit odd designing high-end swimming pool and spas to go with the green, growy things. what has been ultimately difficult and disappointing are two of my co-workers, including the owner of the company. since they're not going to change, i'm going to have to in order to make my life better and myself happier.
so...it has come to my decision that i am starting my own company. i am, once again, going to "whore for the furniture man" and use the skills and knowledge i have gained to do contract work. to quote julia roberts in the movie pretty woman (and this hopefully won't happen again) "i say who, i say where, i say how much." i want flexibility, independence and more money for my work.
my plan is to start my little venture with contract work and devote a portion of my time to the jewelry and artwork side of the business in the hopes that eventually the last two will outweigh the first.
we'll see. wish me luck.
in the meantime, it is ktb's birthday (#40!), sir snoopy and milo the destructor are well, my friend magda is getting married, our families are well, nephew carl the pirate's eye is on the mend and he will get a lense implant to have full vision again and i am thankful for all these things.
monday will see what will happen to princess of da howse.
as you may have read at ktb's blog, princess of da howse has cancer. what kind and what to do about it remains to be seen. yes, she is 12-almost-13 years old, yes she has had a good life for a once-foundling-nearly-always-cranky-sometimes-downright-dangerous cat. still, she is my 'boo' and i am not yet ready to part with her.
i am very forthunate that the pinwheel-bunny family finances are such that i am allowed the luxury of taking her to a veterinary oncologist. if it were two years ago, this would be even more difficult than it already is.
on the job front, work at the green, growy company has been...well...less than stellar. it has been great to have the change in pace, pressure and deadlines. i enjoy working with green growy ideas, however lacking in knowledge i am. i do feel a bit odd designing high-end swimming pool and spas to go with the green, growy things. what has been ultimately difficult and disappointing are two of my co-workers, including the owner of the company. since they're not going to change, i'm going to have to in order to make my life better and myself happier.
so...it has come to my decision that i am starting my own company. i am, once again, going to "whore for the furniture man" and use the skills and knowledge i have gained to do contract work. to quote julia roberts in the movie pretty woman (and this hopefully won't happen again) "i say who, i say where, i say how much." i want flexibility, independence and more money for my work.
my plan is to start my little venture with contract work and devote a portion of my time to the jewelry and artwork side of the business in the hopes that eventually the last two will outweigh the first.
we'll see. wish me luck.
in the meantime, it is ktb's birthday (#40!), sir snoopy and milo the destructor are well, my friend magda is getting married, our families are well, nephew carl the pirate's eye is on the mend and he will get a lense implant to have full vision again and i am thankful for all these things.
monday will see what will happen to princess of da howse.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
water wings
i'm still here. i'm just sort of floating along right now. i'm directionless, but not without things to do.
i've weaned myself off the sleeping pills and can actually sleep through the night right now. i'm still on the anti-crazy pills. best friend commented that i've needed them since high school. well, she would know.
life is...in progress. the kitties are good. princess of da howse is in a snit over our latest addition, senor milo and sir snoopy is adjusting to senor milo's style of playing. senor milo prefers to pounce with all four paws and remind everyone he has claws and we don't. he also tends to wake us up at around 4:30 a.m. or so wanting to play and/or be showered with affection. what was i saying about sleeping through the night?
my new job is also...in progress. it's a lot to learn and i am still not completely sure i want to devote myself to it, but the change in pace, location and work has been so extremely beneficial. it is amazing the improvement in my health since i started working there. i am enjoying it.
office politics are...unique. bearable, yet unique, enough said.
bunny and i continue to work on la casa. it, too is in...progress.
what i really want to do is stay home, grow a garden, make things, cook for my family and bake bread. i want to be just like my mom. :0)
life is...in progress. "i'm not dead, just floating." (thank you, p!nk)
now, if only it would cool off and rain. i'm melting and drying up all at the same time.
i've weaned myself off the sleeping pills and can actually sleep through the night right now. i'm still on the anti-crazy pills. best friend commented that i've needed them since high school. well, she would know.
life is...in progress. the kitties are good. princess of da howse is in a snit over our latest addition, senor milo and sir snoopy is adjusting to senor milo's style of playing. senor milo prefers to pounce with all four paws and remind everyone he has claws and we don't. he also tends to wake us up at around 4:30 a.m. or so wanting to play and/or be showered with affection. what was i saying about sleeping through the night?
my new job is also...in progress. it's a lot to learn and i am still not completely sure i want to devote myself to it, but the change in pace, location and work has been so extremely beneficial. it is amazing the improvement in my health since i started working there. i am enjoying it.
office politics are...unique. bearable, yet unique, enough said.
bunny and i continue to work on la casa. it, too is in...progress.
what i really want to do is stay home, grow a garden, make things, cook for my family and bake bread. i want to be just like my mom. :0)
life is...in progress. "i'm not dead, just floating." (thank you, p!nk)
now, if only it would cool off and rain. i'm melting and drying up all at the same time.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
make plans...
yeah, so, i was supposed to start my new job monday.
nope.
then, i planned to start today.
nope.
now, i'm hoping to start tomorrow.
see, i had a fabulous saturday with my s.i.l. i came home that afternoon, and by evening, i had a fever. by sunday, my stomach was revolting. today is my first day without a fever and 50 million trips to the "people box" (bathroom). sorry if that was too much information.
my fever has been down today and the pop rock feeling in my stomach is not so prevalent. i have eaten solid food with success and i'm keeping my fingers crossed that i will be upright and able to attend my first day at my new job tomorrow.
bunny told me he told one of my new bosses that i really did want to work there. so far, they have been quite patient with the situation.
*sigh*
nope.
then, i planned to start today.
nope.
now, i'm hoping to start tomorrow.
see, i had a fabulous saturday with my s.i.l. i came home that afternoon, and by evening, i had a fever. by sunday, my stomach was revolting. today is my first day without a fever and 50 million trips to the "people box" (bathroom). sorry if that was too much information.
my fever has been down today and the pop rock feeling in my stomach is not so prevalent. i have eaten solid food with success and i'm keeping my fingers crossed that i will be upright and able to attend my first day at my new job tomorrow.
bunny told me he told one of my new bosses that i really did want to work there. so far, they have been quite patient with the situation.
*sigh*
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
d is for depression and j-o-b spells relief
yeah, yeah...i know. i've been lax in my blogging. i'm in recovery, you see. i'm recovering myself.
so i got some crazy pills to fight the blues and some sleepy pills to keep me snoozing all the night through. so far, good results. i remember who i am. i make it through the day without crying or getting angry over the little things that i would normally not even bother with.
bunny says he doesn't want to push me out of the car as often in the morning, either. good news, that.
*********************************
in about a month, bunny and i will celebrate our first anniversary of mawwiage.
oy, vey!
*********************************
so, i got a new job. (YESSSSS! WOO-HOO!) after 12 years, i am leaving the world of contract furniture (cubicle world)! i will soon be part of the landscape design world. i am soooo looking forward to learning about all kinds of growies and what to plant where, etc., etc.
*********************************
yeah, so things are lookin' up. thank heavens.
anybody want to buy some jewelry?
so i got some crazy pills to fight the blues and some sleepy pills to keep me snoozing all the night through. so far, good results. i remember who i am. i make it through the day without crying or getting angry over the little things that i would normally not even bother with.
bunny says he doesn't want to push me out of the car as often in the morning, either. good news, that.
*********************************
in about a month, bunny and i will celebrate our first anniversary of mawwiage.
oy, vey!
*********************************
so, i got a new job. (YESSSSS! WOO-HOO!) after 12 years, i am leaving the world of contract furniture (cubicle world)! i will soon be part of the landscape design world. i am soooo looking forward to learning about all kinds of growies and what to plant where, etc., etc.
*********************************
yeah, so things are lookin' up. thank heavens.
anybody want to buy some jewelry?
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
better living through modern chemistry
well, i don't really know if it will be, but...
yeah...so...feeling as if i have failed to be able to control (*snort*) my own life, i have finally given in after months and months of not sleeping, depression and high anxiety (not the mel brooks kind) and gone to the doctor. i've been trying to fix things on my own and things are getting better, but i'm not who i am supposed to be and it hurts so much, anymore. after long contemplation and the added knowledge that this is round 4 of depression and round 3 of therapy AND my grandmother was clinically (although undiagnosed) depressed her entire life, i am now taking a pill for it all...and still having my wednesday evening rendezvous with judy the therapist.
well, actually it's 2 pills, right now.
one pill makes you smaller...ok not really. one pill to help me sleep as a temporary measure, the other to correct the imbalance of chemicals in my brain that causes me to look at the glass as not only half-empty, but as dirty, chipped, filled with crap-ass, cheap wine and completely undrinkable and unworthy of even tasting and completely petrified it will tip over, fall off the table and shatter into a million tiny pieces before i can catch it.
yeah, well...
the doctor said bunny will most likely notice differences in me before i will, if this pill is the right one for me. the sleeping one last night didn't help much. the doc gave me 3 different samples to try of that...but not all at once. *snort* on to sample #2 tonight and, hopefully, some decent, uninterrupted, deep sleep.
now, if only my eye would stop twitching and my nose would get better...
yeah...so...feeling as if i have failed to be able to control (*snort*) my own life, i have finally given in after months and months of not sleeping, depression and high anxiety (not the mel brooks kind) and gone to the doctor. i've been trying to fix things on my own and things are getting better, but i'm not who i am supposed to be and it hurts so much, anymore. after long contemplation and the added knowledge that this is round 4 of depression and round 3 of therapy AND my grandmother was clinically (although undiagnosed) depressed her entire life, i am now taking a pill for it all...and still having my wednesday evening rendezvous with judy the therapist.
well, actually it's 2 pills, right now.
one pill makes you smaller...ok not really. one pill to help me sleep as a temporary measure, the other to correct the imbalance of chemicals in my brain that causes me to look at the glass as not only half-empty, but as dirty, chipped, filled with crap-ass, cheap wine and completely undrinkable and unworthy of even tasting and completely petrified it will tip over, fall off the table and shatter into a million tiny pieces before i can catch it.
yeah, well...
the doctor said bunny will most likely notice differences in me before i will, if this pill is the right one for me. the sleeping one last night didn't help much. the doc gave me 3 different samples to try of that...but not all at once. *snort* on to sample #2 tonight and, hopefully, some decent, uninterrupted, deep sleep.
now, if only my eye would stop twitching and my nose would get better...
Thursday, May 04, 2006
astrobarry does it again...
PISCES (February 19-March 20): I simply cannot let you off the hook from last week's encouragement to leap. This week, we've tossed Mars in the mix, with trines to both Jupiter and Uranus, adding the physical verve necessary to get off your buttocks and take the damn chance. Those of you who are hesitating to rile up your whole life enough to radically refreshen things, you're probably rightfully concerned with those annoying practicalities like money and job and the other chores you're charged with. Well, you're in luck because Venus and Saturn have each other's backs in houses of material security, and they will not let you go hungry—if, that is, you make some sort of massive decision or pledge this week, to go for what feels right over what you think you 'should' do. Even if you take another several months to brainstorm ways to rearrange responsibilities to make room for a completely different lifestyle (and to save up a safety cushion), as long as you do something this week, you'll get the planets' blessings. Otherwise, the trines will merely intensify whatever unattended-to yearnings for liberation linger languidly in your consciousness.
Monday, May 01, 2006
05.01.06
Pisces Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
There's a crazy blob of emotions churning around deep inside your heart, but it's getting easier and easier to get a handle on them. Finally, you're able to get a clear idea of how you feel and where you want to go from here. Make a date with the object of your affection and share your feelings -- find something physical that symbolizes your feelings (a flower, a card, a poem) and use it to help you explain yourself. The urge to share will outweigh any fear of rejection.
~'nuff said~
There's a crazy blob of emotions churning around deep inside your heart, but it's getting easier and easier to get a handle on them. Finally, you're able to get a clear idea of how you feel and where you want to go from here. Make a date with the object of your affection and share your feelings -- find something physical that symbolizes your feelings (a flower, a card, a poem) and use it to help you explain yourself. The urge to share will outweigh any fear of rejection.
~'nuff said~
Monday, April 10, 2006
an unremarkable nose
it seems of late, my decision-making ability has taken a vacation. normally a fairly decisive person, my befuddled state has caused this ability to take a leave of absence until the situation improves. in order for the situation to improve, i need my decisive abilities...vicious circle, ain't it?
~but i digress~
i am home today. i do not feel well. i have no idea if it has to do with my nose, my state of mind or an outside invader. at any rate, i canceled on work and the dentist (i was not upset to cancel on the dentist) and stayed home.
la schnozz is aching today and the body feels like it's been through a few rounds with the great ali. *sigh*
i wonder constantly if trying to figure out what is wrong with my nose is a waste of time (not to mention money). while it can be difficult to cope with non-allergic, allergy symptoms and an aching nose with no cause, i am tired of no answer and more tests and referrals. the latest experience with the e.n.t. left a sour taste in my mouth and not because he actually did what i was supposed to be there for, but because he had absolutely no idea why i was there, told me nothing, patronized me and charged me for it.
yeah, medicine is great, sometimes.
he said i had an unremarkable nose.
if my nose is so freaking unremarkable...why does it hurt!?!?!?
i am on the point of giving up. i am tired. i am so tired that some days i can't even put one foot in front of the other. this probably has nothing to do with my nose and more to do with everything else i experience/have experienced since moving here.
yeah, an unremarkable nose.
~but i digress~
i am home today. i do not feel well. i have no idea if it has to do with my nose, my state of mind or an outside invader. at any rate, i canceled on work and the dentist (i was not upset to cancel on the dentist) and stayed home.
la schnozz is aching today and the body feels like it's been through a few rounds with the great ali. *sigh*
i wonder constantly if trying to figure out what is wrong with my nose is a waste of time (not to mention money). while it can be difficult to cope with non-allergic, allergy symptoms and an aching nose with no cause, i am tired of no answer and more tests and referrals. the latest experience with the e.n.t. left a sour taste in my mouth and not because he actually did what i was supposed to be there for, but because he had absolutely no idea why i was there, told me nothing, patronized me and charged me for it.
yeah, medicine is great, sometimes.
he said i had an unremarkable nose.
if my nose is so freaking unremarkable...why does it hurt!?!?!?
i am on the point of giving up. i am tired. i am so tired that some days i can't even put one foot in front of the other. this probably has nothing to do with my nose and more to do with everything else i experience/have experienced since moving here.
yeah, an unremarkable nose.
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